'Now that I'm dead'

Now that I'm dead

I can look over it all

(With sorrowful eyes and simpering mind)

To see where I went wrong

And when I went notright.

Before I was dead

I'd been alive for n^th years.

Years of infinite bliss... et cetera -

Except for the many bits which weren't.

How it was to be me.

For I am I.

I sang merrily on life's journey

In a voice of pure beauty.

In the heydays of my youth

I charmed ladies with my quadratic equations

Perfectly-creased pants

Symmetrically-parted hair

And solid-plastic specs.

I died so as to save the world

From all the smearers, sniffers

And doubting hodgepodgers -

All stuck in their cocoons of indifference.

Oh Jesus! Help me forgive those buggers

Who have crossed me.

Those scoundrels who laughed at my pants.

And the evil women who spurned my great charms

And infinite wit.

For if I had my way,

I'd crucify the lot of them,

Then put their kids in the Gulag.