'If I won the Lottery...'

If I won the Lottery I'd buy the most expensive packet of crisps in the world - the ones you see in M & S or something. I'd also buy some plush, thick toilet rolls and a super-posh bottle of wine - I don't know... for £6.99 or even for £7.99! I'd go on holiday all the way to Hull in a first-class coach, where I'd drink Morrison's whiskey all day on the beach. I'd invest in a nice new pair of pants, some nice thick socks and a nice new woolly jumper. I'd buy my mum a nice new chair and treat my wife to a nice lamb lunch in a posh pub. I'd buy my best mate a pint and lend him a bob or two. Perhaps I'd invest a tenner in a taxi firm or gamble on the Lottery again. Then I'd retire to Haworth and buy a nice house on a new estate. The house will have the thickest shag-pile in Yorkshire. There'd be a widescreen TV in every room – even in the toilet, where Id watch the footy and then use the plush toilet roll...