SKITS

i) What is EastEnders?
ii) The Ineffable Mystery of Being (a Construction in Marmite)
iii) An Interesting Letter
iv) Beethoven's Sonata in C, Opus 2, by Beethoven

i) What is EastEnders?

What is EastEnders? From which paradigmatic premises does this textual tissue of discourse unfold? Perhaps the transcendental signifiers which inhabit the universe that is EastEnders can only reacg out into a few of the virtual spaces of discursive reasoning. Ah yes! And the paradigms are indeed super-abundant. Take the character called 'Ricky Butcher' (or 'Reekee!' in the elongated colloquiality of common people's utterances). Here we find the embodiment of hierarchical sexual roles. Ricky lays the food on the table each time gendered stereotypes are transgressed. Rick's two soiled hands are but metaphors for dualistic sexual personae. And take Bianca. A strong but deeply feminised cultural icon of the Postmodern Age of multi-gendered reality. Her ginger locks are but a sign (i.e., a sign) of the transgressions which have occured on the boundaries erected between Anglo-Saxon waspishness and the Celtic Twilight of a Guiness advertisement (see Jacques Derrida's deconstruction, Guiness as Sexual Totem). Through her, women become the enwombed children of adulthood. She is the archetpe of feminine translucency.

It is the duologues which EastEnders which burst the frames of traditional narrative structures. Here we find a discourse of power and decimation which is filtered through a luke-warm postmodernist haze. So fuck off!

ii) The Ineffable Mystery of Being
(A construction in Marmite)

Each jar of Marmite is a met aphor for the dark quintessence of Existenz. And each level of the edifice brings the human spirit closer and closer to the ineffable myster that is Being. The dialecteical conflict between the virile base and the almost whorish apex achieves a synthesis in the asexual overall form of the pyramidical structure. This pure totality is more apparent than real. It hints at consumerism. But by doing so it draws one into a deeper mystery. The Myster of Being.

The construction was inspired by the late work of the Neo-Quasi-Realist School. Particularly the work of its most virulent exponent, Tracy Smith. This consumate artist similarly confronts existential bliss, misery and the fultility of fultility. She says, 'Consumer products with their semiotical ramifications capture the zeitgeist of our fin de siecle age.'

One must 'look' at this construct. One must be it. Become One with its Being. Through an osmotic process one shares its essential Otherness. One will learn to Be.

iii) An Interesting Letter

Hello. How are you? I'm OK. Are you OK too? I am. It's raining here. Is it raining where you are? It is here. I've not been up to much. Have you been up to much? I haven't.

Went to the corner shop the other day. You know, the one on the corner. I bought some food there. I bought some milk (silver top). I bought some bread (brown). I bought some toilet rolls (pink). I bought some chocolate (chocolate flavour). I bought some hard-core pornographic magazines (animals). Yes, it was all very nice indeed.

I'm thinking of washing my hair tonight. But perhaps I won't because there's an interesting - and that's no exaggeration! - programmae on tonight. It's all about the history of sticke-back fishing. I would very much like to watch it. You should too. It will be highly illuminating.

Just one more thing before I finish writing this letter to you. I lost both my two legs in a car crash last week. It's damned annoying, I can tell you.

See ya (you) soon,
R. Sniff-Peters (Reg).

iv) Beethoven's Sonata in C, Opus 2, by Beethoven

Beethoven was a composer of music in Germany and he was born in Jesus I mean Bonn on the 15th of December 177070 and he died in Vienna on the 26th of March 1827 and he did compose chamber music and he did componose I mean compose symphonies and he did compose piano sonatas and he was a great composer and he influenced many other composers of music and he went deaf and he was very temperamental and his manuscripts were very scruffy and he was very rude to his patrons like Prince Carl von Lich... or something the prince and he never married and his most famous works are his 5th Symphony Number 5 that goes dur dur dur duuurr and the famous piano work for piano called the Moonlight Sonata for piano that is very famous and he used an ear trumpet and he had lessons from the famous composer of music Haydn... 'Papa' Haydn but they did not get on that well but Haydn liked his music but thought it was a little too modern and dissonant so Beethoven got mad at this and he died in Vienna in 182727.

Analysis

The very first bar (bar 1) of the Sonata in C by Beethoven has 16 notes in total, including C, D, F and G, which leaves out the notes A and B from the C major scale. (The key of this sonata by Jesus, I mean Beethoven, who was born in Germany.) The opening dynamic marking is 'p', which is from the Italian language for 'soft'. The thirds which follow the opening chord of C major are slurred. This creates an interesting difference to the following staccato (from the Italian language for 'short and detached thirds'). There is one minim, four semiquavers and two quavers in the first bar (bar 1, which proceeds the second bar, bar 2). Bar two (bar 2) has 17 notes, which contrasts markedly with the 8 notes of the first bar (bar 1).